My Unwritten Social Code Companion: The Adult Rules, Written Down

Adult social life runs on rules nobody states: how a meeting actually works, when a text goes unanswered on purpose, what "we should get lunch" means, when a friendship is ending. Most adults absorbed these rules by inference. Autistic, ADHD and trauma-affected adults often did not — and are judged for breaking rules they were never handed. This free companion writes 116 of them down across three life stages, with the reason behind each one and an explicit note on when skipping it is fine.

Three life stages, because the code keeps changing

The 18–29 stage covers first jobs, roommates, group chats, dating scripts and the sudden disappearance of built-in structure after school. The 30–44 stage handles workplaces with real stakes, partnerships, parenting-adjacent socialising, and friendships maintained by scheduling. The 45–60 stage addresses management politics, caregiving, community roles and long friendships that need repair rather than replacement. Optional men-typical, women-typical and Midwest tracks adjust the examples without changing the underlying model.

Explicit rules with the reason attached

Every one of the 116 rules across 13 domains is written as a situation, an action, and a why — because a rule you understand can be adapted to the situation the app never anticipated, and a rule you only obey gets applied in the wrong room. Each rule also carries a "skip this when" note, because the goal is informed choice, not obedience.

A six-building map of where rules live

Rules cluster by place. The context map organises them into home, work, clinic and office settings, friends, community, and partnership, so you can study the room you are actually about to enter instead of an abstract list. Workplace rules cover meetings, email tone, hierarchy without dominance games, and what "feedback" usually means; partnership rules cover bids for attention, repair attempts and the difference between a complaint and a criticism.

Cards, stories and skills for rehearsal

Fifty-two flip cards test recognition; sixteen branching stories let you practise decisions before the stakes are real — the ambiguous email, the friend who goes quiet, the meeting where you were talked over. Seven guided skills walk through step-by-step protocols that change when you switch the Neurotype Lens, because an autistic adult, an ADHD adult and a PTSD-affected adult need different versions of the same conversation.

A masking budget that knows when to stop

Following rules costs energy, and adults who mask all day at work often collapse at home. The masking-chip budget makes that cost visible across contexts — and when the chips hit zero, the app routes you to burnout care and selective unmasking instead of offering more etiquette. Knowing the rules and choosing when to spend on them is the design goal; permanent performance is not.

Repair, safety and consent-safe framing

A repair workshop covers what to say after you got something wrong and why over-apologising makes repair harder. There is no pickup, manipulation or dominance content anywhere in the companion. Where a situation is harassment or discrimination rather than etiquette, the app says so plainly and routes to documentation and help instead of scripts. Everything stays on your device, and nothing here is therapy, assessment or diagnosis.

How to use this tool

  1. Confirm you are 18 or older, then pick a life stage: 18–29, 30–44 or 45–60.
  2. Optionally switch on the men-typical, women-typical or Midwest track.
  3. Set the Neurotype Lens if autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, PTSD or burnout fits you.
  4. Open the map and choose the building that is currently hardest — home, work, clinic, friends, community or partnership.
  5. Read the rules for that room, including the why and the skip-this-when note on each.
  6. Run a branching story for the situation you keep getting wrong, then try the matching guided skill.
  7. Track masking chips for a week and use the repair workshop after the next thing that goes sideways.

Common questions

What is the hidden curriculum for adults?
It is the set of social expectations nobody states out loud: meeting behaviour, email tone, when small talk is required, how friendships are maintained by scheduling, what an unanswered text signals. Most adults learned it by observation. This companion writes it down explicitly for adults who did not.
Who is the Unwritten Social Code Companion for?
Adults 18 and over, especially autistic, ADHD, AuDHD and PTSD-affected adults, late-diagnosed adults, and anyone who reliably gets social situations "wrong" without being told why. It is free psychoeducational self-help, not therapy or assessment.
Is this teaching masking?
No. It teaches what the rules are and what they cost, then leaves the choice with you. The masking-chip budget exists because permanent masking causes autistic burnout — when your chips run out, the app routes you to burnout care instead of more etiquette.
Does it contain dating or pickup material?
No. There is no pickup, manipulation or dominance content. Partnership content covers consent-safe communication, bids for attention and repair. Situations that are actually harassment or discrimination are named as such and route to documentation and help, not scripts.
How is the adult version different from the teen Guy Code app?
The teen app covers ages 9–21 with school, locker rooms and peer-group rules. The adult companion starts at 18 with three life stages (18–29, 30–44, 45–60), workplaces, partnerships, community and professional settings, optional men/women/Midwest tracks, and an appointment-prep sheet for clinic and office visits.
Does it work for ADHD or PTSD, not just autism?
Yes. The Neurotype Lens rewrites scripts and skill steps per profile: impulsive interruption and time-blindness for ADHD, conflicting drives for novelty and predictability for AuDHD, hypervigilance and fawning for PTSD, and load management for burnout.
Is it private?
Yes. Everything you enter stays in your own browser via local storage; there is no account and nothing is sent to a server. Deleting your site data deletes everything.

Where this fits

This companion is free psychoeducational self-help. It is not therapy, diagnosis, or crisis care, and it does not replace a licensed clinician. Everything you enter is stored locally in your own browser and is never transmitted to a server.

It lives inside FeelingsHelper Adults Mode, alongside more than sixty other free companions for autism, ADHD, PTSD, and trauma.

Related free tools

  • Rejection Sensitivity — Catch, cool, and recover from an RSD spike before it costs you something.
  • Autistic Masking — See what masking actually costs you, then plan safe, selective unmasking.
  • Trauma Protectors — Understand the survival parts — pleasing, numbing, control — and what they protect.
  • Executive Functioning — Prioritizing, time blindness, task switching, and finishing — built for work stakes.
  • Autistic Burnout — Tell burnout apart from depression, find the real drains, and plan a recovery that holds.